Monday Night. I still can't say what I want.

You've passed me by enough times to drive a tractor crazy, and still I haven't said hello. Flashes of laughter race my thoughts as I imagine what could happen. Glimpses of sadness drown my head, I can only hope and wish that I could swim. I dreamt that maybe, possibly, everything I feel might pass to you through a hug. There you go, strolling by. I can feel in your stride, that you feel me too. The possibility of hi and how are you seem as shallow as a ditch, and as far from sight as lake michigan. Still I haven't said hello and still everything that could be won't. Never will the torment cease to be until I just say howdy.

~~~~

My eyes are closed, my mind is open. All conscience flows out my ears and fills the room. The awareness of movement, the awareness of sound until finally the walls cannot hold my internal perception. I see beyond the body, beyond the soul, and I gaze deeply at the birch outside my window. I gaze curiously at the rabbit racing fear as though the terrifying grill of a vicious dog. In through the nose flows suffering, filling my lungs with the dark ominous life. Out through my nostrils rushes compassion, a million miles an hour and a pause to admire the clouds.

~~~~

I dreamt one day, that I could think nothing personal. The next day I believed I could think about everything outside myself. With the next mornings awakening I felt from every cell of my body, that I is no longer there is only us. By the night I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong and I could do nothing. My back, I feel as though I cannot feel. My spine, I know the twists that come should bring something. My head, is filled with nonsense to the brim and an obsession with the future. I dreamt that night, that anything was possible and in the morning I could feel that nothing is forever. Nothing is everything.

UWM Application Essay.

Competing as a runner is as unique of an experience as climbing a mountain. Both are solitary acts, no matter if there is a team giving support, every step must be taken individually. The only way to accomplish the almighty goal, is to simply do. The measure of success is a personal judgment based off an individuals preconceived goals. The ultimate satisfaction comes in being the best, the fastest, the strongest. But these feelings can only be articulated, never purely shared. The only way to share the success of a personal quest such as running or climbing, is to stand atop the summit waiting to embrace fellow companions on a great job. There is nothing selfish about personal success, but there is everything selfless about succeeding alongside friends. A stranger might walk into the arena at Shorewood High School and see four trophies with large cut-outs of the State of Wisconsin and say, what a bunch of winners. Any of the athletes who raised those trophies over their heads would say, what a bunch of friends. When the days of glory have long passed by and the rigors of working a 40 hour week don't shine so brightly on an aging body. There will always be the memory of what sacrifice, hard-work and pure effort meant to a group of young men. A friend is never too far away, sharing in the same idea that humility is the only way. Sharing in the memory of sacrificing the personal conquest of the racecourse for the success of the team always made for a happier end. The long lost memory of simply competing for the sake of competition, and leaving the ego for Psychologists to debate. One last reminiscence of putting yourself only as high as everyone else, because then everyone can walk away with a smile. And at 20 years old now what an event to reminisce about, having been the most important player in, which is always teammate.

There is something special about being young. The world was so much larger, the time to do anything was always just around the bend, and the idea that anything was possible is no longer the past-tense. An amazing thing happens when you forget everything that is you, and you consider what it would be like to be him over there, or her sitting next to you. Not just thinking about what they could be thinking, but thinking like they are. Learning is the eternal pursuit of personal understanding. The process of learning plays the largest role in being a youth. Such imagery as “eye opening”, “ the enlightened spirit”, “the awakened mind” could be used to describe a religious experience. But I use those ideas to describe what learning truly is.

Throughout high-school I found myself annoyed when my fellow students complained about homework. I couldn't seem to understand what their problem with homework was. I certainly understood that the only reason to do homework was when you didn't learn enough during class time and I always learned what was being taught. I knew that no matter how much home work my fellow students did, they all seemed to be missing the big picture. They all seemed to be ecstatic when they got on A, and heartbroken when the fine curves of a C showed up. I was ecstatic when I got an A, happy when I got a B, and a C always brought out sentiments of probably not reading all the questions completely. At the end of the semester, no matter my grade I was happy. I was happy to know that I learned what this teacher was attempting to teach. I knew that no amount of homework could have taught me better, than simply contemplating as I did. Taking the time to think about those really mystifying and transcendent ideas. Eventually having thought enough to apply what I learned to my personal perspective of the world. Homework was never necessary when contemplation worked just as well.

“Support the troops, bring them home!” I once chanted alongside 4 friends on Capitol Dr in front of Shorewood High School. I help up a long banner that said, “No War in Iraq!” Through my veins coursed the passion of a thousand pacifists. All that went through my mind was the idea of Peace, and oh how passionately that peace came yelling out of my mouth. We were 5 twelve and thirteen year olds, and how much we despised the violence out of our control, happening in our name. America the great. We had walked out of our middle school lunch and right to one of the busiest streets in Wisconsin. Through our personal and unique articulations of what peace meant to us, we came together to learn something mighty and beautiful about the free act of expression. The only way to be heard, is to speak. From that day forward I made a point of being heard. I made a point of bringing passion to learning, a passion that created a unique atmosphere of learning. When a class comes together to understand a tough concept, the class grows in a collective way. The dynamic of expressing a personal revelation in universal terms and knowing that those students whose eyes and ears are open, heard it. That is the passion of learning and that is the beauty that always shines in the dynamic of collective learning.

You asked what I bring to the UWM campus, and what I have stated above is one way to describe that. By no means could four paragraphs give a complete picture, and by no means have I done justice to my life as described. My intent is to portray an image of a human being willing to speak his mind confidently. That intent going as far as describing how I find humility in all of my actions, in all my of my being. But most importantly, I am hoping that you see that I strive for meaning in everything I do and the best way to find meaning is to share meaning with another by simply involving them in the whole process. This is effectively the fourth draft I have written, the first three didn't get past an introductory paragraph, and I meant to show you how much learning means to me. How much I know learning means to everyone. In the first three drafts I attempted to sum up in one catchy saying everything that I believe in, but the more complex an idea gets the less pure it becomes. So I will leave you with my eternal and unchanging personal quest. A quest that I developed while happily being in the minority at Xavier of Lousiana in good ol' Nawlins. I strive to have compassion for all living beings. Since I have returned home from the dirty south I have added that I strive to show that compassion through every single one of my actions. This upcoming Fall is going to be the best yet, filled with the most passion, all topped off with the only goal, which is to learn. Thank you for giving me that opportunity.

The 3 Respects of Athletics

On how to be a team. Shorewood-style.

Every action you make as an athlete impacts the team as a whole, be it positive or negative. A self-less athlete learns from the actions that bring negative consequences, and repeats the actions that create a positive impact on the team. A selfish athlete does not learn from their actions, but simply revels in their own glory. The team is always bigger than the individual, without the individual there is no team. Without a team, an athlete competes for no benefit but their own.

A Shorewood athlete exudes excellence in the classroom and on the field of competition. Easy thing to say for the classroom, quality of education is of the utmost importance to this school, but how does a Shorewood athlete begin to find excellence in competition? This search begins with a self-less attitude and ends with respect. The 3 Respects of Athletics must be sought out in order to find excellence. Respect for the Coach, Respect for the Team, and Respect for the Individual.

To respect the coach, the coach must be thoroughly defined. A coach is a human being dealt the role of athletic facilitator, or of being a leader. A leader who's job, is to create a constructive atmosphere in which learning of a sport occurs. A coach has a distinct set of experience and education from which arises the foundation of their coaching philosophy. In order for a coach to be, there must also be an athlete. A coach is a teacher and the athlete their student. Listen, then act. That is the role of the student. To question only and as often as it is necessary to fully understand the sport. A coach respects the athlete as the athlete respects the coach.

To respect the team, the team must be defined. A team is a collection of human beings similar in age, diverse in personality, and selfless in nature. Each individual human being carries a unique set of goals, beliefs, philosophies, and experiences. A team carries but one goal, belief, and philosophy. The individual of a team finds strength in acting rightly to achieve the team goal. To act rightly one must find respect for the team, and then act on it.

To respect the individual, the individual must be defined. The self, I, me, but most importantly you. You have a unique personality. You have a specific set of beliefs and philosophies. You are the only human being to have experienced every second of your existence. You are the key to a successful team. You find patience and control in always giving your maximum effort. You trust that your coach will teach what is necessary to maximize your potential, as you trust your team will give as much effort in every practice and in every competition as you do, and the only way you know this effort will be given by the entire team is to always give your maximum effort.

You will find excellence yourself when you

respect your coach, respect your team, respect yourself and always act selflessly.

The team goal is to:

be the best possible team, at the WIAA Regional Meet.

The team belief is:

to be the best possible team, everyone must give maximum effort at every practice and every competition.

The team philosophy is:

everyone must always strive to have no regrets.

Set 3 achievable goals based around The 3 Respects of Athletics, The team goal belief and philosophy, and being a self-less teammate.

Setting an achievable goals means asking yourself, what are you going to do to guarantee the success of the team. Be creative and get complex, or be insightful and stay simple. Be honest and use the writings above to guide you or ask a teammate or a coach.

Flicker of a Dance

I pay homage to where I have come from,
I pay homage to where I am going.

Spread your arms wide and embrace,
the humility of love,
I pay homage.

Close the door to open the window,
gaze at the wondrous blue,
wandering infinitely, round
the bend to eternity,
I pay homage.

Step light as not to disturb the flicker
of a dance, between wicks afloat
and the dark of night,
I pay homage.

Extend me a branch and I will extend you my
hand, open palm to your beating heart,
open spirit to your beautiful mind,

I pay homage, to life and love,
homage,
to foe and friend,
homage,
homage to you,
homage to me,

I pay homage, my friend.

1 o'clock in the freaking morning

And I've only thought up a million ways to happiness. At least that is the easiest way to sum up the epic brainstorm I need to complete.
1. Wake up tomorrow exuberant to be alive.
2. Set an accomplishable goal for the day.
3. Accomplish the goal.
4. Be constantly mindful of the meaning in living.
5. Be constantly aware of the purpose in actions.
6. Be constantly happy to share in companionship.
7. Make no decision without consulting compassion.
8. Remember the benefits of a strong mind and a stronger body.
9. Find humility in accepting an integral part of the natural cycle.
10. Be happy to be free.
11. Act happy to be free.
12. Remind someone new, they are beautiful too.
13. Be beautiful.
14. Let happiness be the only option.
15. Have compassion for all beings.
16. Act Compassion.

What is a Compassionate Business?

Compassion is the one word to sum up in entirety to love and to care. To be a compassionate business means to have a sense of purpose and of awareness. Purpose in offering a local fairly-traded product. Awareness to strive to think as your customer might and consider your impact on the quality of their life.

Be in control of the product you rise every morning for. Be apart of the process from the bottom to the top. If you can not be, then suggest Sustainable Reform. The Easiest way to prove, is to Show them how, and Do your homework.

Definition of terms:
Sustainable Reform - A call to the reform of all industry and all government using a Sustainable business model and Green technology. Waste not a single penny.

Fairly-traded - A level of accountability held in order to take care of the people and the Earth at every level of the business process.

Local - Designing the business Model around your community. The fact is every business is located somewhere and that somewhere has most likely lost some jobs recently. So why not try to rethink business and focus it on the faces you see everyday, first. Because once you have taken care of home then smiles a plenty are all but guaranteed.

Manifesto of an Honest Boy

Today is the day I take control of me. Fun is as fun does and now is no better a time to start.

Today is when I act only when I will to be active. To have control to say what I mean and nothing more.

Today is the day the safety and security of me offers enough to do everything I want and nothing less.

Today I am stronger than yesterday, tomorrow I am stronger still. Never before have I smiled so, as never again can I smile less so.

Today humanity is the last barrier to real humanity. With your passion and compassion, tomorrow will be vast blue skies, deep blue waters, and comfort in sharing this new found freedom.

Judgements never dwelled upon as forgiveness is a guarantee.

The manifesto of an honest boy seeking more than when we last spoke, taking a second chance before a third is given.