Monday Night. I still can't say what I want.

You've passed me by enough times to drive a tractor crazy, and still I haven't said hello. Flashes of laughter race my thoughts as I imagine what could happen. Glimpses of sadness drown my head, I can only hope and wish that I could swim. I dreamt that maybe, possibly, everything I feel might pass to you through a hug. There you go, strolling by. I can feel in your stride, that you feel me too. The possibility of hi and how are you seem as shallow as a ditch, and as far from sight as lake michigan. Still I haven't said hello and still everything that could be won't. Never will the torment cease to be until I just say howdy.

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My eyes are closed, my mind is open. All conscience flows out my ears and fills the room. The awareness of movement, the awareness of sound until finally the walls cannot hold my internal perception. I see beyond the body, beyond the soul, and I gaze deeply at the birch outside my window. I gaze curiously at the rabbit racing fear as though the terrifying grill of a vicious dog. In through the nose flows suffering, filling my lungs with the dark ominous life. Out through my nostrils rushes compassion, a million miles an hour and a pause to admire the clouds.

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I dreamt one day, that I could think nothing personal. The next day I believed I could think about everything outside myself. With the next mornings awakening I felt from every cell of my body, that I is no longer there is only us. By the night I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong and I could do nothing. My back, I feel as though I cannot feel. My spine, I know the twists that come should bring something. My head, is filled with nonsense to the brim and an obsession with the future. I dreamt that night, that anything was possible and in the morning I could feel that nothing is forever. Nothing is everything.

UWM Application Essay.

Competing as a runner is as unique of an experience as climbing a mountain. Both are solitary acts, no matter if there is a team giving support, every step must be taken individually. The only way to accomplish the almighty goal, is to simply do. The measure of success is a personal judgment based off an individuals preconceived goals. The ultimate satisfaction comes in being the best, the fastest, the strongest. But these feelings can only be articulated, never purely shared. The only way to share the success of a personal quest such as running or climbing, is to stand atop the summit waiting to embrace fellow companions on a great job. There is nothing selfish about personal success, but there is everything selfless about succeeding alongside friends. A stranger might walk into the arena at Shorewood High School and see four trophies with large cut-outs of the State of Wisconsin and say, what a bunch of winners. Any of the athletes who raised those trophies over their heads would say, what a bunch of friends. When the days of glory have long passed by and the rigors of working a 40 hour week don't shine so brightly on an aging body. There will always be the memory of what sacrifice, hard-work and pure effort meant to a group of young men. A friend is never too far away, sharing in the same idea that humility is the only way. Sharing in the memory of sacrificing the personal conquest of the racecourse for the success of the team always made for a happier end. The long lost memory of simply competing for the sake of competition, and leaving the ego for Psychologists to debate. One last reminiscence of putting yourself only as high as everyone else, because then everyone can walk away with a smile. And at 20 years old now what an event to reminisce about, having been the most important player in, which is always teammate.

There is something special about being young. The world was so much larger, the time to do anything was always just around the bend, and the idea that anything was possible is no longer the past-tense. An amazing thing happens when you forget everything that is you, and you consider what it would be like to be him over there, or her sitting next to you. Not just thinking about what they could be thinking, but thinking like they are. Learning is the eternal pursuit of personal understanding. The process of learning plays the largest role in being a youth. Such imagery as “eye opening”, “ the enlightened spirit”, “the awakened mind” could be used to describe a religious experience. But I use those ideas to describe what learning truly is.

Throughout high-school I found myself annoyed when my fellow students complained about homework. I couldn't seem to understand what their problem with homework was. I certainly understood that the only reason to do homework was when you didn't learn enough during class time and I always learned what was being taught. I knew that no matter how much home work my fellow students did, they all seemed to be missing the big picture. They all seemed to be ecstatic when they got on A, and heartbroken when the fine curves of a C showed up. I was ecstatic when I got an A, happy when I got a B, and a C always brought out sentiments of probably not reading all the questions completely. At the end of the semester, no matter my grade I was happy. I was happy to know that I learned what this teacher was attempting to teach. I knew that no amount of homework could have taught me better, than simply contemplating as I did. Taking the time to think about those really mystifying and transcendent ideas. Eventually having thought enough to apply what I learned to my personal perspective of the world. Homework was never necessary when contemplation worked just as well.

“Support the troops, bring them home!” I once chanted alongside 4 friends on Capitol Dr in front of Shorewood High School. I help up a long banner that said, “No War in Iraq!” Through my veins coursed the passion of a thousand pacifists. All that went through my mind was the idea of Peace, and oh how passionately that peace came yelling out of my mouth. We were 5 twelve and thirteen year olds, and how much we despised the violence out of our control, happening in our name. America the great. We had walked out of our middle school lunch and right to one of the busiest streets in Wisconsin. Through our personal and unique articulations of what peace meant to us, we came together to learn something mighty and beautiful about the free act of expression. The only way to be heard, is to speak. From that day forward I made a point of being heard. I made a point of bringing passion to learning, a passion that created a unique atmosphere of learning. When a class comes together to understand a tough concept, the class grows in a collective way. The dynamic of expressing a personal revelation in universal terms and knowing that those students whose eyes and ears are open, heard it. That is the passion of learning and that is the beauty that always shines in the dynamic of collective learning.

You asked what I bring to the UWM campus, and what I have stated above is one way to describe that. By no means could four paragraphs give a complete picture, and by no means have I done justice to my life as described. My intent is to portray an image of a human being willing to speak his mind confidently. That intent going as far as describing how I find humility in all of my actions, in all my of my being. But most importantly, I am hoping that you see that I strive for meaning in everything I do and the best way to find meaning is to share meaning with another by simply involving them in the whole process. This is effectively the fourth draft I have written, the first three didn't get past an introductory paragraph, and I meant to show you how much learning means to me. How much I know learning means to everyone. In the first three drafts I attempted to sum up in one catchy saying everything that I believe in, but the more complex an idea gets the less pure it becomes. So I will leave you with my eternal and unchanging personal quest. A quest that I developed while happily being in the minority at Xavier of Lousiana in good ol' Nawlins. I strive to have compassion for all living beings. Since I have returned home from the dirty south I have added that I strive to show that compassion through every single one of my actions. This upcoming Fall is going to be the best yet, filled with the most passion, all topped off with the only goal, which is to learn. Thank you for giving me that opportunity.